wendy In August 2021, as I approached my 50th birthday, I kept having the thought, “I need a year off.” I was tired and unmotivated. Restless. With three years of sobriety, I was evolving. Healing. I talked with my manager at the time and we decided I would take three months of leave to see if I still wanted to take a year off after I had a chance to rest and recover. I came back with “The Year” calling to me even more loudly.
We couldn’t figure out a good way for me to take a leave of absence, so I quit. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. As the primary earner for our family, I was leaping into the unknown and with nothing else lined up–and that was the point. I sold some stock but I quickly realized how cozy I had been–we were now paying $1800 per month for health care, we lost our life insurance, and my salary and stock awards. “Golden handcuffs” is such an apt phrase.
I set my intention to “minimize stress and maximize spontaneity, curiosity, and joy.” I created a year long container (18 January 2022-23 January 2023) and gave myself permission to “not actively earn money nor think about earning money.” My “job” was to Be. To figure out my identity independent of work. To see how I would spend the 50+ hours per week that had been devoted to making technology accessible. I gave myself permission to watch Netflix all year if that’s what I wanted to do and while I did watch a lot of Netflix/HBO/Prime Video/YouTube/etc etc, I did many other unexpected things.
I felt guilty at first, to have such privilege and ability to take a year off–especially with everything else going on in the world (injustices, shootings, war, pandemic…). But especially with everything else going on in the world, I wanted to recharge and renew. To reflect on my role moving forward giving all that had changed in the world and in my life. I also realized that since I started working at 16, I had never had a break and I had worked my butt off for 28 years. That I had been saving money and that it was ok for me to take a break. To breath. To pause and reflect. To have FUN.
I’m so grateful that I did. That I had the resources and support to do so. I kept a journal throughout the year and as I figure out what’s next, I’m going to look back through those journals and share some of my thoughts and evolution. At least, that’s my intention. I also give myself permission to not publish another word. 🙂